My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize