If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
