I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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