Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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