Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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