So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
