you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
