Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
