Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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