did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
