Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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