it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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