hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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