I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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