If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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