The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
