I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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