does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
