I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's like heaven, but drunker
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
