I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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