This girl is more easily done than said...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
