haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
