There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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