the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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