Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
