Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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