i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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