Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
