im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
