if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
