I looked at my own cervix.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize