You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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