yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
