it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
