tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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