I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
