Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
