How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
