honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
