oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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