I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
