Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
