I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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