I'm lost and stupid without you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
