At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
