one two three fourrrrnication!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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