I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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