You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
