when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
