I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
