I think im going to throw up on grandma
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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