Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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