Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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