No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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