it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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