you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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