You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
