She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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