I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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