At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
