Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dick has a subreddit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
