OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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