I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
