I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
ok first of all what the fuck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
