I think I won the penis lottery.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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