does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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