my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
