I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
