I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hippo gnu deer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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