i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
