Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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