1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She needs sedatives and a leash
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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