Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
